Where does the time go?

Time is a strange concept. There are days that an hour seems to drag on forever and yet when we stop and take a moment to reflect it is easy to wonder where the time has gone. I believe this is so much more true when we have walked through tough times and down the darkest roads of our lives. In my recent experiences I often wondered when it would be over. When I would take up from the nightmare that had become my life and realize it was all a bad dream. The truth is, it was my life and I was living it.

I look over the past 10 years and I think of the things I have accomplished and the person I have become. I look at my beautiful daughter and cannot help but praise God for her existence. I consider the fact that I completed my Bachelors degree and have come the majority of the way through my Master's degree and I cannot help but smile. While there were several dark moments in the last two years specifically, time has a way of healing as well.

We do not understand why we face the things we do. We want to question God and ask where He has been throughout it all. We want to blame Him for it all. We want to get mad at someone and He is the easy person to get mad at. Why did He let this happen? I remember someone at church praying over me during a prayer night during a Deeper session. That was a very powerful night for me. A person that I had met one time prior walked up behind me and said that she felt that God was speaking to her. To tell her to walk up to me and tell me that He loved me. That it was okay and that He was there. I broke down. I lost it in an emotional moment of amazement at God's love for me. Later on I received prayer and the counselor that prayed looked at me and reminded me that God is bigger than we are. We can get mad at Him and He will still be there after we vent. For me I never got mad at God but I walked away. It was the easy thing to do when I had been so hurt and felt so condemned by my family and friends and former friends who made me feel guilty for my situation.

I look over the events of the last two years. Of the horror that I experienced that fateful day when I first heard the words spoken to me. The brokenness I felt then and the feeling of strength I have now. It was a long journey from beginning to end but I do not think that it was a mistake that it took that long. I needed that time to be graceful in how I acted, responded and interacted in relation to the situation. God was there the entire time. He was holding my hand and pulling me up every time I fell back down. It was He that allowed the proper amount of time to pass before it ended. And am I ever glad the end is here. The hurt will always be there in a small way but I feel as though I can move on.

Time....Time can heal even the deepest of wounds and it has....