Looking Back

For some reason my birthday always makes me think about things like where I am in my life, where I have been and where I am headed. This year in particular is of importance because I am turning 29. I know, 29 is not generally considered a huge birthday for many. It is not for me either but it signifies the last year I will be in my 20's. Another decade gone. And wow has this past decade been a tough one.

My brother got married ten years ago this past week and that was one of the first dates that I went on with my ex. You know the rest of the story so I am not going to go into detail. As I approach my 29th birthday on Monday I hope that my next 10 years turn out better than my last ended up. Do not get me wrong, I am grateful for who I am and I am darn proud of the person I have become and the road that lies ahead for me professionally. I have stretched myself farther than I would have ever imagined possible. I now manage being a single mom who works full time and also maintains a 4.0 GPA in graduate school. That is a major accomplishment for me that no one will ever be able to take from me.

Throughout my experiences over the last two years I have learned a lot about myself and realize the power that lies within. I overcame the most difficult times that many could ever imagine (I know this because people have told me so). I stayed on my path for my education which is also something that people told me to give up. They told me to quit, to focus on my family and not worry about my career. The thing is that I believe my family was going to end up where it is today regardless of what I did. Pursuing my education allowed me to grow as an individual as I began to see what I was capable of and be okay with where I am now in my life.

I do not say these things to make people feel bad for me or think that I regret my last ten years. Without the last ten years I would not have my daughter to love and who loves me in return. Without the last ten years I would not have been able to realize the inner strength that I never knew I had and without the last ten years I would have never been prepared to handle the present and to walk through it with my head up high. I know that many do not agree with the outcome but after much thought, prayer and heartache, God told me it was okay to let go. I fought and I fought hard but in the end it was not going to last. In a recent sermon series at church, Pastor Peter said "God often knows that something is going to be a disaster and He lets it happen anyways".

So, yes, when I am sitting here a few days before turning 29 I hope I can look back and see a better end result on my 30's than I can on my 20's. But I can honestly say that I have no regret and I move on with confidence for my future and for the future of my daughter.

Blessings,

Renee